Doogie
You made some great points.
You are very right. People are putting themselves into the situation. I think that is natural however. Last year a little boy with autism got out of his house and wandered into the backyard of a neighbor with a pool and well, he drowned. Now this family got scrutinized so badly. Personal information came into the forefront that made it that much worse for them to deal with his tragic death. Naturally, people began to say the inevitable "If it were my kid..." Because that's how we as humans sympathize. Sometimes we overdo it and allow our emotions to go overboard and skew our sense of reason.
In this circumstance had Terri made a legal document stating her wishes, then no one, not one person should even try to contest it. On the other hand, I do see your point about her husband. I really do. If we are going to assume, why not assume in the husband's favor? Benefit of the doubt. Right. Seems reasonable. Well, I guess looking at how many marriages that I know of where the people stayed married for god know's what reason, if my husband were a jerk who everyone loved because they didn't know what he was really like, I wouldn't want him to be the one saying "yeah let her go" if I were in Terri's shoes. I know, there is plenty of evidence that shows that things were good between them. But as I said we just don't know. That's why, and I think just about everyone agrees, it is so so important to put our final wishes in writing. Not only to protect ourselves, but to protect the people we love from being put through hell for making a decision they should never have to make. As other's have said, this happens every day. It can happen to anyone at any time and any place.
So, that being said, if she isn't suffering, I personally don't see the harm in allowing her family to care for her. I do respect your viewpoint and in many ways I do agree. I would hate to see my husband dragged through the mud for trying to protect my rights. However, it would be my responsibility, not his to take the precautions to see that those rights are protected. Michael very likely loved his wife and a part of him died the day she fell into a coma. I don't personally know him. But unfortunately since there is no legal document, I do think the above things need to be taken into consideration.
I have to say I agree with the one poster who made the statement that there are much greater things happening. This is an important issue, of that I have no doubt. But wow, Terri is lucky to have so many people care about her so much to do all this. I can think of so many people that have died in Nursing homes without so much a phone call from their estranged family. In fact Tickled Pink made the point about nursing homes that I appreciated. Nursing homes are not fun places to live. I think what is so interesting about cases like Terri's is that they spur us into action to do things that we don't think to do. Whether it is to write a will or donate our time and energy to worthy causes like helping out at nursing homes or hospitals. I know one young man who being impaired with cp (fairly severe I might add) chooses to donate his time at a local hospital. I have seen him there going around doing what he has been asked, and wow, he is such an inspiration. I like to think there is always something we can learn.
I know I have so many arrangements to make and I have been dragging my feet. With a cognitively impaired child it's so important to have a will and a trust. Still haven't done it. But I know that to protect my kids it's something we gotta do. Well, to protect the people we love, we need to make those end of life decisions, before it's too late. We always think we have time. But you just never know.
p.s. hope you and your girlfriend have a long and happy relationship. :)
peace
